There’s something I teach people in my breakup bootcamps and it’s about how each and every one of us have an ’emotional monster’ lurking inside us. When we feel sad, angry, anxious, afraid… our emotional monster wants us to feed it so it can get bigger and stick around longer. So we feed it – we feed it more negative thoughts, we scroll through social media or news even when our angst is peaking… We do more of what will intensify that emotion. Sometimes we’re aware of this, sometimes not.
Yesterday, I was very aware that I was feeding my emotional monster. And I couldn’t get out of it, because I didn’t want to. I’ve been feeling anxious, dull, sad, and hopeless and knew exactly what I could do to start self-soothing (such as meditation, journaling, self-care). But instead, I chose to watch Contagion, scroll through social media, and revisit the Instagram posts of my friends who are posting irresponsible messages.
Today, I chose differently. I made it a point to not turn on my phone until I got my morning meditation in. Which got my day off to a much better start. I minimized my news monitoring about 50%, I walked out on to the patio for fresh air (my first time in 48 hours), and started to think about the possibilities of my business. I started to put energy into creation – which always lights me up.
I’m scared. I’m scared for the future. I’m afraid of the social effects of isolation that this will have on people who are not feeling emotionally resilient. I’m concerned for the people struggling with heartbreak who are suffering by themselves. I hope I get mentally stronger soon, so I can start coming up with solutions. But right now, I’m just trying to manage this internal battle I’m having with myself.
Today was much better than yesterday. I hope tomorrow is a good one too.